Whoa! Talk about tubular! This may be the most awesomest day of camp! It all started this morning. Like usual, me and Teddy snuck over to the Beaver cabin where the girl counselors stay. It wasn't cold like normal, so the windows weren't fogged and, boy, could we see everything. Tits everywhere! One of the girls saw a rat or something and then they all started jumping on their beds and screaming. Tits were bouncing all over the place!
Next, we skipped out on breakfast and went to the lake to see if we could find the spot where that family got murdered. We figured everyone would think we were still getting over the runs. And they definitely wouldn't think it was us who spiked the eggs! I still can't believe we got away with that. Teddy is a genius! So, we couldn't find the exact area, but Teddy was sure we were in the right place. Then we found it. Huge footprints. I didn't want to, but Teddy started following them. After a few yards, we found some kind of dead animal. It was all chewed up, gross and nasty. We just got away from there. Then, on our way back, we heard some moaning and groaning, so we decided to check it out and we caught Joey and Amber porking against a tree! We watched for a second and were about to jump out at them when this crazy looking guy came out of nowhere and scared them. He started yelling something and shaking his hands at them. Both of them picked up their clothes and ran. We waited for the crazy guy to walk off, then we left. But not before Teddy saw Amber's panties in the dirt and took them. We've been smelling them all day.
Finally, after dinner, me and Teddy snuck over to the counselors rec cabin and overhead Rudy and Joey planning a panty raid on the girl counselors soon. I am not missing that! This is the best summer of my life!
SUMMER CAMP '85 Journal entries from Camp Silver Bear counselors and campers. Relive their experiences of joy, ecstasy and horror at summer camp in the 80s.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Matt's Bright Side
7/6/85
Man, the 4th was RIGHTEOUS torture. Spent the whole afternoon and most of the night with everyone else going in and out of the bathrooms. Everybody was shitting and puking their brains out! Everyone in the camp was blaming the cabin I’m stayin in cause they had breakfast KP and they think they did something to the food. I say if that was true, it’d be the most bogus prank ever cause it seems the Bear cabin got it the worst. A lot of the kids had to sleep sitting up cause of fear they were gonna choke on their own vomit. Jesus Christ. Dave did a complete check and investigation of the kitchen and I’m sure the cook Sonny felt real bad, but then Dave told me he couldn’t figure out what caused it cause he said Sonny kept the cleanest kitchen he had ever seen. My guess: Zagnuts didn’t take a shower after cleaning out the bathrooms and he got turd crumbs all over the Independance Muffins everybody was eating. I remember him setting them out during morning KP. He’s an asshole, but I’m not gonna call him out. Truth is, I feel bad for the guy. He’s a real geek at this place. No one really likes him. Last thing he needs is Dave making him eat all his meals in quarantine behind some big plastic bubble in the Mess Hall. From now on, I’ll just be on his ass and make sure he showers after every time he cleans the shitters.
Even though Saturday was hell, the bright side was Dave ordered me to go pick up some more toilet paper and Lysol from town and guess who got to go with me? Goddamn, Brenda was a fuck machine. Our bodies were still weak from all the puking, but I guess being away from camp and the fact that it was a surprise gave us enough stamina to put us into pork-ship hyperdrive. We couldn’t even wait to get into town. On the way, Brenda shoved her way down my jeans and started giving me a tug job, and I couldn’t take it anymore! I parked under a bridge and we jumped in the back. Then we got into Hopestown and I remembered my Stepdad was out of town at a business conference ‘til Thursday! I porked her on the same bed where the fucker cheated on my mom. After that, I guess all the porkin upset my stomach and I got a little aftershock, so I ralphed all over his pillow. Brenda laughed. It was great!
Anyway, I’m back at camp now and things seem to be getting back to normal. The campers are doing much better, and Dave re-scheduled the Independence Dance and fireworks for next Saturday. Only thing that sucks a chub is that now he’s no longer trusting the kids, so he made all counselors split up Mess Hall duties for the rest of the summer -- including me, cause they need the help! And here’s the real kicker. Dave’s still pissed off about Zagnuts showing his ass in town last week, so the fat turd has to pull every KP shift. I’ll be standing by him with a bar of soap til mid-August.
Man, the 4th was RIGHTEOUS torture. Spent the whole afternoon and most of the night with everyone else going in and out of the bathrooms. Everybody was shitting and puking their brains out! Everyone in the camp was blaming the cabin I’m stayin in cause they had breakfast KP and they think they did something to the food. I say if that was true, it’d be the most bogus prank ever cause it seems the Bear cabin got it the worst. A lot of the kids had to sleep sitting up cause of fear they were gonna choke on their own vomit. Jesus Christ. Dave did a complete check and investigation of the kitchen and I’m sure the cook Sonny felt real bad, but then Dave told me he couldn’t figure out what caused it cause he said Sonny kept the cleanest kitchen he had ever seen. My guess: Zagnuts didn’t take a shower after cleaning out the bathrooms and he got turd crumbs all over the Independance Muffins everybody was eating. I remember him setting them out during morning KP. He’s an asshole, but I’m not gonna call him out. Truth is, I feel bad for the guy. He’s a real geek at this place. No one really likes him. Last thing he needs is Dave making him eat all his meals in quarantine behind some big plastic bubble in the Mess Hall. From now on, I’ll just be on his ass and make sure he showers after every time he cleans the shitters.
Even though Saturday was hell, the bright side was Dave ordered me to go pick up some more toilet paper and Lysol from town and guess who got to go with me? Goddamn, Brenda was a fuck machine. Our bodies were still weak from all the puking, but I guess being away from camp and the fact that it was a surprise gave us enough stamina to put us into pork-ship hyperdrive. We couldn’t even wait to get into town. On the way, Brenda shoved her way down my jeans and started giving me a tug job, and I couldn’t take it anymore! I parked under a bridge and we jumped in the back. Then we got into Hopestown and I remembered my Stepdad was out of town at a business conference ‘til Thursday! I porked her on the same bed where the fucker cheated on my mom. After that, I guess all the porkin upset my stomach and I got a little aftershock, so I ralphed all over his pillow. Brenda laughed. It was great!
Anyway, I’m back at camp now and things seem to be getting back to normal. The campers are doing much better, and Dave re-scheduled the Independence Dance and fireworks for next Saturday. Only thing that sucks a chub is that now he’s no longer trusting the kids, so he made all counselors split up Mess Hall duties for the rest of the summer -- including me, cause they need the help! And here’s the real kicker. Dave’s still pissed off about Zagnuts showing his ass in town last week, so the fat turd has to pull every KP shift. I’ll be standing by him with a bar of soap til mid-August.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Nancy Likes To Sleep In
6/5/85
Hey babe, miss me? I never thought I'd have a worse fourth than last year's at Mossytree, but I was wrong. Oh, Nancy, you're still so young. Whatever was in that breakfast yesterday wrecked nearly the entire camp! I think me and Dave might have been the only ones to not get sick and that's only because we fooled around and slept in. We missed the breakfast, so it had to be that. We've never had any problems with Sonny's cooking before, but he must have screwed around with the wrong recipe. I had never heard of Independence Omelettes, so I'm guessing it was something new he was trying. All classes were canceled today. Everyone was too sick to do anything! They've got the weekend to get better, so maybe Dave will let a couple of the counselors go into town and get some supplies. After yesterday, the camp is low on toilet paper and aspirin and other things. Grass, too. I'm just sad for Zagnuts. He's on bathroom duty for the rest of summer and it's World War Three in there right now!
Hey babe, miss me? I never thought I'd have a worse fourth than last year's at Mossytree, but I was wrong. Oh, Nancy, you're still so young. Whatever was in that breakfast yesterday wrecked nearly the entire camp! I think me and Dave might have been the only ones to not get sick and that's only because we fooled around and slept in. We missed the breakfast, so it had to be that. We've never had any problems with Sonny's cooking before, but he must have screwed around with the wrong recipe. I had never heard of Independence Omelettes, so I'm guessing it was something new he was trying. All classes were canceled today. Everyone was too sick to do anything! They've got the weekend to get better, so maybe Dave will let a couple of the counselors go into town and get some supplies. After yesterday, the camp is low on toilet paper and aspirin and other things. Grass, too. I'm just sad for Zagnuts. He's on bathroom duty for the rest of summer and it's World War Three in there right now!
The Fourth of July
CAMP SILVER BEAR ACTIVITIES LIST -- JULY 4
“Mistakes are proof that you are trying” -- Mr. Dave
6:30 -- Flag raising/rise n’ shine -- Dellamusa/Tina
(Special note: take this seriously today, guys. It’s the 4th for God’s sakes Show some respect. Don’t get any more grass stains on Ole Glory)
7:15 -- Breakfast. (KP -- Bear cabin)
8:30 -- Morning activity
Special events (pick one): Capture the flag; Mess Hall decorations for tonight’s
Independance dance; Graham the Snake Man at outdoor classroom; hike with Mr. Dave up to Whitewater gap (3 mile loop -- bring WATER!)
12:00 -- Lunch. (KP -- Peanut cabin -- Bear cabin assist the tykes)
1:00 -- All-camp Scavenger Hunt. By “All”, I mean ALL!!! All counselors must attend; All campers must be present. This is teamwork, guys. Leave no man or woman behind! Anyone failing to attend the scavenger hunt will report for dinner KP and will also chaperone the dance afterward.
3:00 -- Free time. All of Tyrone’s cast members report to arts n’ crafts cabin for rehearsal.
(Special note: Lifeguards Peachman and Pugh will be setting up for dance and will not be available for duty. ALL SWIMMING IS CANCELLED FOR THE AFTERNOON)
5:00 -- Dinner. (KP -- Wolf cabin)
6:00 -- Independance dance!!! (chaperones: Mr. Dave, Miss Nancy, Matt Harrison, Zagnuts)
9:00 -- Campfire and fireworks on quad. (Chaperones continue duty, EXCEPT for Zagnuts who will clean Mess Hall)
10:30 -- Campers return to cabins.
11:30 -- Lights out.
“Mistakes are proof that you are trying” -- Mr. Dave
6:30 -- Flag raising/rise n’ shine -- Dellamusa/Tina
(Special note: take this seriously today, guys. It’s the 4th for God’s sakes Show some respect. Don’t get any more grass stains on Ole Glory)
7:15 -- Breakfast. (KP -- Bear cabin)
8:30 -- Morning activity
Special events (pick one): Capture the flag; Mess Hall decorations for tonight’s
Independance dance; Graham the Snake Man at outdoor classroom; hike with Mr. Dave up to Whitewater gap (3 mile loop -- bring WATER!)
12:00 -- Lunch. (KP -- Peanut cabin -- Bear cabin assist the tykes)
1:00 -- All-camp Scavenger Hunt. By “All”, I mean ALL!!! All counselors must attend; All campers must be present. This is teamwork, guys. Leave no man or woman behind! Anyone failing to attend the scavenger hunt will report for dinner KP and will also chaperone the dance afterward.
3:00 -- Free time. All of Tyrone’s cast members report to arts n’ crafts cabin for rehearsal.
(Special note: Lifeguards Peachman and Pugh will be setting up for dance and will not be available for duty. ALL SWIMMING IS CANCELLED FOR THE AFTERNOON)
5:00 -- Dinner. (KP -- Wolf cabin)
6:00 -- Independance dance!!! (chaperones: Mr. Dave, Miss Nancy, Matt Harrison, Zagnuts)
9:00 -- Campfire and fireworks on quad. (Chaperones continue duty, EXCEPT for Zagnuts who will clean Mess Hall)
10:30 -- Campers return to cabins.
11:30 -- Lights out.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Ike's Protest
June 2nd, 1985
Dear God,
Well -- once again! -- I asked you for strength and guidance, and you came through in droves! This bible study I started up has been going so strong. Currently, I have about 15 regular members staying after dinner in the Mess Hall every night to read scripture and pray with me. It’s become so well known through the camp that, the last three mornings, Mr. Dave has listed it as an official Camp Silver Bear event on the Activities Kiosk! We even have a name for ourselves: “The Holy Rollers”! And boy is it diverse. I have at least two campers from every age group. Funny, I notice the numbers trickle off the older they get. See God, I have six Peanuts (that’s ages 6-8), but only two Bears (those are the 13-15 year-olds). It definitely seems as if your Word is more likely to fall on deaf ears the older we get, and my goal is to reach out to these older campers who, in all their secular temptations, need you now more than ever. Please give me strength as they are older and bigger than me, and some of the girls in their cut-off shorts seem as though they may tempt me right off the deep end!
And also give me strength, Lord, as I’m afraid an unholy agenda has made itself present in the righteous circle of my bible study. Last night, our eyes were closed in prayer when we all whiffed Satan’s foul stench around us. We looked up to see one of the counselors, Zagnuts Hedgrew, squat down next to us. He had come straight from cleaning all the bathrooms in the camp -- due to some punishment Mr. Dave had given him for acting out in town the other night -- and decided to intrude upon us for what he claimed was “a need to be saved”. I’m not buying it one bit. I know all he really wants is to get closer to Samantha Pugh, the lone counselor in my group. Can you believe he actually threatened to get me on kitchen duty the rest of the summer if I didn’t tell him what she likes to pray for?! Oh well. I suppose I should look at it as an opportunity, like Brother Rick is always telling me. He definitely needs to be saved, even if he doesn’t believe it himself. And plus I’m pretty sure he’ll pound me if I tell him the truth -- that Sam’s real interest seems to be Mr. Dave.
Anyway, I’ve got to go now. I’ve cooked up a little after hours assignment for The Holy Rollers. It seems the bus driver Matt rented a couple videos from a friend of his while he was in town and he’s showing them to impressionable kids in the mess hall tonight. I heard one of them is some animated movie called “Heavy Metal” and there’s graphic sex. How dare use the holy medium of cartoons to corrupt kids minds like that?! Anyway, we’re going to go do a peaceful protest by sitting in the back and having a bible study while the movie’s going on. Let the people choose what’s better for their souls: Satan's finger, or praying to the Almighty Creator. Give me strength, Lord Jesus.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.
Dear God,
Well -- once again! -- I asked you for strength and guidance, and you came through in droves! This bible study I started up has been going so strong. Currently, I have about 15 regular members staying after dinner in the Mess Hall every night to read scripture and pray with me. It’s become so well known through the camp that, the last three mornings, Mr. Dave has listed it as an official Camp Silver Bear event on the Activities Kiosk! We even have a name for ourselves: “The Holy Rollers”! And boy is it diverse. I have at least two campers from every age group. Funny, I notice the numbers trickle off the older they get. See God, I have six Peanuts (that’s ages 6-8), but only two Bears (those are the 13-15 year-olds). It definitely seems as if your Word is more likely to fall on deaf ears the older we get, and my goal is to reach out to these older campers who, in all their secular temptations, need you now more than ever. Please give me strength as they are older and bigger than me, and some of the girls in their cut-off shorts seem as though they may tempt me right off the deep end!
And also give me strength, Lord, as I’m afraid an unholy agenda has made itself present in the righteous circle of my bible study. Last night, our eyes were closed in prayer when we all whiffed Satan’s foul stench around us. We looked up to see one of the counselors, Zagnuts Hedgrew, squat down next to us. He had come straight from cleaning all the bathrooms in the camp -- due to some punishment Mr. Dave had given him for acting out in town the other night -- and decided to intrude upon us for what he claimed was “a need to be saved”. I’m not buying it one bit. I know all he really wants is to get closer to Samantha Pugh, the lone counselor in my group. Can you believe he actually threatened to get me on kitchen duty the rest of the summer if I didn’t tell him what she likes to pray for?! Oh well. I suppose I should look at it as an opportunity, like Brother Rick is always telling me. He definitely needs to be saved, even if he doesn’t believe it himself. And plus I’m pretty sure he’ll pound me if I tell him the truth -- that Sam’s real interest seems to be Mr. Dave.
Anyway, I’ve got to go now. I’ve cooked up a little after hours assignment for The Holy Rollers. It seems the bus driver Matt rented a couple videos from a friend of his while he was in town and he’s showing them to impressionable kids in the mess hall tonight. I heard one of them is some animated movie called “Heavy Metal” and there’s graphic sex. How dare use the holy medium of cartoons to corrupt kids minds like that?! Anyway, we’re going to go do a peaceful protest by sitting in the back and having a bible study while the movie’s going on. Let the people choose what’s better for their souls: Satan's finger, or praying to the Almighty Creator. Give me strength, Lord Jesus.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.
Stevie Fellberg - 13
July 2nd, 1985
Dave's a dick. Seriously. From the way he wears those jeans that show off his weiner down to the way he just plain acts--he's a dick. Rudy's a dick, too. All he does is stare at chicks all day. Today, some kids tossed me off the dock and I can't swim. What does Rudy do? He's too busy rubbing up against some big-boobed girl while I was swallowing lake water! It DID end up kinda cool, cause Sam jumped in and grabbed me. As we were splashing around, I totally grabbed her boobies. Not sure if she noticed, but she kept saying it better not be a joke and she wasn't going to give me CPR. Anyways, by the time I got out, I gave Rudy an "eat shit" look. He saw it and wasn't too pleased but fuck him. Dick.
Now, Dave?? He hears about it and orders me to take swimming lessons. He doesn't reprimand that dick Rudy for rubbing his boner against that girl instead of "life guarding", he orders ME to take lessons. In order to "save myself" in the future and to be "more of a jr. man". I'll give him "JR." man-- I'm ALL man. Had my bar mitzvah earlier this year to prove it. Dicks.
Dave's a dick. Seriously. From the way he wears those jeans that show off his weiner down to the way he just plain acts--he's a dick. Rudy's a dick, too. All he does is stare at chicks all day. Today, some kids tossed me off the dock and I can't swim. What does Rudy do? He's too busy rubbing up against some big-boobed girl while I was swallowing lake water! It DID end up kinda cool, cause Sam jumped in and grabbed me. As we were splashing around, I totally grabbed her boobies. Not sure if she noticed, but she kept saying it better not be a joke and she wasn't going to give me CPR. Anyways, by the time I got out, I gave Rudy an "eat shit" look. He saw it and wasn't too pleased but fuck him. Dick.
Now, Dave?? He hears about it and orders me to take swimming lessons. He doesn't reprimand that dick Rudy for rubbing his boner against that girl instead of "life guarding", he orders ME to take lessons. In order to "save myself" in the future and to be "more of a jr. man". I'll give him "JR." man-- I'm ALL man. Had my bar mitzvah earlier this year to prove it. Dicks.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
"Mr. Tay" Tyrone Theodore Banks III -Camp Silver Bear Arts Instructor - 22
1 July 1985
Ooh Wee! Sweet Georgia Brown, do I have my work cut out for me! I can see this show so clearly in my mind, but Lord knows the other counselors don’t give two shits about Amadeus: Live and Alive, so it’s going to be up to me and those kids to pull this whole production together. It’s a good thing I’ve got all the songs ready to go, but I still have to decide if I’m going to play Salieri or the father. The kids last year loved me as Dorothy from the Wiz, but I wanna break some barriers this summer. So no white face, Tay Tay! Lord, little Jimmy Barnes was a handful today at auditions. That kid won't stop messing around with those little girls to save his life. But he may just be my perfect Mozart. Maybe I can get Dave to come in and straighten him out, ‘cause ain’t nobody straighter than Dave. And I think he has a newfound appreciation for me since I was able to drive the bus back to camp on Saturday night. I didn't drink and Dave knows he can count on my pretty ass to be there when he needs. Ooh Wee! I ain't blind, sugar!
And don't even get me started on the costumes! There’s just so much still to do! Calgon, take me away!
Ooh Wee! Sweet Georgia Brown, do I have my work cut out for me! I can see this show so clearly in my mind, but Lord knows the other counselors don’t give two shits about Amadeus: Live and Alive, so it’s going to be up to me and those kids to pull this whole production together. It’s a good thing I’ve got all the songs ready to go, but I still have to decide if I’m going to play Salieri or the father. The kids last year loved me as Dorothy from the Wiz, but I wanna break some barriers this summer. So no white face, Tay Tay! Lord, little Jimmy Barnes was a handful today at auditions. That kid won't stop messing around with those little girls to save his life. But he may just be my perfect Mozart. Maybe I can get Dave to come in and straighten him out, ‘cause ain’t nobody straighter than Dave. And I think he has a newfound appreciation for me since I was able to drive the bus back to camp on Saturday night. I didn't drink and Dave knows he can count on my pretty ass to be there when he needs. Ooh Wee! I ain't blind, sugar!
And don't even get me started on the costumes! There’s just so much still to do! Calgon, take me away!
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