July 2nd, 1985
Dave's a dick. Seriously. From the way he wears those jeans that show off his weiner down to the way he just plain acts--he's a dick. Rudy's a dick, too. All he does is stare at chicks all day. Today, some kids tossed me off the dock and I can't swim. What does Rudy do? He's too busy rubbing up against some big-boobed girl while I was swallowing lake water! It DID end up kinda cool, cause Sam jumped in and grabbed me. As we were splashing around, I totally grabbed her boobies. Not sure if she noticed, but she kept saying it better not be a joke and she wasn't going to give me CPR. Anyways, by the time I got out, I gave Rudy an "eat shit" look. He saw it and wasn't too pleased but fuck him. Dick.
Now, Dave?? He hears about it and orders me to take swimming lessons. He doesn't reprimand that dick Rudy for rubbing his boner against that girl instead of "life guarding", he orders ME to take lessons. In order to "save myself" in the future and to be "more of a jr. man". I'll give him "JR." man-- I'm ALL man. Had my bar mitzvah earlier this year to prove it. Dicks.