Ike's Protest

June 2nd, 1985

Dear God,

  Well -- once again! -- I asked you for strength and guidance, and you came through in droves! This bible study I started up has been going so strong. Currently, I have about 15 regular members staying after dinner in the Mess Hall every night to read scripture and pray with me. It’s become so well known through the camp that, the last three mornings, Mr. Dave has listed it as an official Camp Silver Bear event on the Activities Kiosk! We even have a name for ourselves: “The Holy Rollers”! And boy is it diverse. I have at least two campers from every age group. Funny, I notice the numbers trickle off the older they get. See God, I have six Peanuts (that’s ages 6-8), but only two Bears (those are the 13-15 year-olds). It definitely seems as if your Word is more likely to fall on deaf ears the older we get, and my goal is to reach out to these older campers who, in all their secular temptations, need you now more than ever. Please give me strength as they are older and bigger than me, and some of the girls in their cut-off shorts seem as though they may tempt me right off the deep end! 
  And also give me strength, Lord, as I’m afraid an unholy agenda has made itself present in the righteous circle of my bible study. Last night, our eyes were closed in prayer when we all whiffed Satan’s foul stench around us. We looked up to see one of the counselors, Zagnuts Hedgrew, squat down next to us. He had come straight from cleaning all the bathrooms in the camp -- due to some punishment Mr. Dave had given him for acting out in town the other night -- and decided to intrude upon us for what he claimed was “a need to be saved”. I’m not buying it one bit. I know all he really wants is to get closer to Samantha Pugh, the lone counselor in my group. Can you believe he actually threatened to get me on kitchen duty the rest of the summer if I didn’t tell him what she likes to pray for?! Oh well. I suppose I should look at it as an opportunity, like Brother Rick is always telling me. He definitely needs to be saved, even if he doesn’t believe it himself. And plus I’m pretty sure he’ll pound me if I tell him the truth -- that Sam’s real interest seems to be Mr. Dave.
  Anyway, I’ve got to go now. I’ve cooked up a little after hours assignment for The Holy Rollers. It seems the bus driver Matt rented a couple videos from a friend of his while he was in town and he’s showing them to impressionable kids in the mess hall tonight. I heard one of them is some animated movie called “Heavy Metal” and there’s graphic sex. How dare use the holy medium of cartoons to corrupt kids minds like that?! Anyway, we’re going to go do a peaceful protest by sitting in the back and having a bible study while the movie’s going on. Let the people choose what’s better for their souls: Satan's finger, or praying to the Almighty Creator. Give me strength, Lord Jesus.
  In Jesus’s name, Amen.