Matt's Bright Side

7/6/85

Man, the 4th was RIGHTEOUS torture. Spent the whole afternoon and most of the night with everyone else going in and out of the bathrooms. Everybody was shitting and puking their brains out! Everyone in the camp was blaming the cabin I’m stayin in cause they had breakfast KP and they think they did something to the food. I say if that was true, it’d be the most bogus prank ever cause it seems the Bear cabin got it the worst. A lot of the kids had to sleep sitting up cause of fear they were gonna choke on their own vomit. Jesus Christ. Dave did a complete check and investigation of the kitchen and I’m sure the cook Sonny felt real bad, but then Dave told me he couldn’t figure out what caused it cause he said Sonny kept the cleanest kitchen he had ever seen. My guess: Zagnuts didn’t take a shower after cleaning out the bathrooms and he got turd crumbs all over the Independance Muffins everybody was eating. I remember him setting them out during morning KP. He’s an asshole, but I’m not gonna call him out. Truth is, I feel bad for the guy. He’s a real geek at this place. No one really likes him. Last thing he needs is Dave making him eat all his meals in quarantine behind some big plastic bubble in the Mess Hall. From now on, I’ll just be on his ass and make sure he showers after every time he cleans the shitters.

Even though Saturday was hell, the bright side was Dave ordered me to go pick up some more toilet paper and Lysol from town and guess who got to go with me? Goddamn, Brenda was a fuck machine. Our bodies were still weak from all the puking, but I guess being away from camp and the fact that it was a surprise gave us enough stamina to put us into pork-ship hyperdrive. We couldn’t even wait to get into town. On the way, Brenda shoved her way down my jeans and started giving me a tug job, and I couldn’t take it anymore! I parked under a bridge and we jumped in the back. Then we got into Hopestown and I remembered my Stepdad was out of town at a business conference ‘til Thursday! I porked her on the same bed where the fucker cheated on my mom. After that, I guess all the porkin upset my stomach and I got a little aftershock, so I ralphed all over his pillow. Brenda laughed. It was great!

Anyway, I’m back at camp now and things seem to be getting back to normal. The campers are doing much better, and Dave re-scheduled the Independence Dance and fireworks for next Saturday. Only thing that sucks a chub is that now he’s no longer trusting the kids, so he made all counselors split up Mess Hall duties for the rest of the summer -- including me, cause they need the help! And here’s the real kicker. Dave’s still pissed off about Zagnuts showing his ass in town last week, so the fat turd has to pull every KP shift. I’ll be standing by him with a bar of soap til mid-August.