Thursday, July 30, 2015

A Brand New Tay

30 July 1985

  Ooh wee! Something has lit up these kids and it’s lighting me up too! Two weeks ago, I was ready to cancel the entire Amadeus production and replace it with some white trash talent show. But now my little sugars are bringing the Fosse and showing me Twyla. Tay Tay's babays are wise beyond their years! And I’m feeling it myself – it's a splash of me trying on my first tiara and strutting it for my sisters and her friends during our basement costume shows. Ooh Wee, I feel alive! It’s strange, but I feel like this happens every now and then. Maybe it was a dream I thought was real, but I remember once I got so filled with magic pixie dust that I could fly! Oh, hush, Tay Tay...better not let that get out or it'll be like high school gym all over again. "Everybody get home, it's Lick-a-Bone Tyrone!" "Run and hide, Ty likes Guys!" And I cannot have them saying those cruel things to me. Oh, Tay strong. Be proud. You are a gorgeous young man. You will NOT be held down, strapped to a bed, spanked and abused by labels. If they find out, let them! I'll be their Tay Tay Fairy, if that's the way they want it. My pretty ass would look great in tights! Okay, back to dress rehearsals! It’s like Irene sings, “What a feeling! Being’s believing! I can have it all, now I’m dancing for my life!”

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Phil Mantel - Assistant Head Counselor - 28

Monday, July 29th, 1985

  I'm happy to be here. So very happy. I was going to leave. Can you imagine the sorrow that would have caused? Silver Bear is the only place that I’ve ever felt like I belonged. If the others can’t see that, then they need to really start looking around. Maybe they need new eyes. And if they can’t feel it, they need new hearts, fueled by new blood. I can make them see it, the groovy colors of being home. We can make them see that.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Teddy For the Save


This place is getting strange. That weirdo Phil shows back up and now Sam and Rudy are suddenly gone. Then I overheard Tina and Brenda talking about Dave missing. AND Zagnuts said that he thought it was weird that Walt hasn't come into camp in two weeks. I guess Phil's in charge now, but he creeps me the fuck out. I gotta find out what's happening here.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Sarah's Love

July 27th, 1985

Dear Mom,
  I have to tell you something. I think I might love Jimmy Barnes! I know I'm only 12, but that doesn't mean I can't love. Mom, he's so funny and talented. Mr. Tay is really impressed with him, too. He broke down in rehearsal today. It was our first run-through and after Jimmy's death scene(he plays Mozart), Mr. Tay began crying and said he was so happy with the play and that Jimmy had just broken his heart during that scene. Then Mr. Tay started singing Rainbow Connection and dancing with everyone. It was really fun.
  I hope to see Jimmy during the school year. He goes to Alvindale, so he must not live too far away from us! Thank you for sending me here, it's been the best summer ever! I love you.
                              Sarah xxoo

Joey Ain't Biting

July 27th, 1985

Something's going on. I think something bad. Something totally uncool. First, Sam and Rudy go missing, then Dave. Where are they? It's been a week! Nancy called a meeting with all of the staff today. It seems even that dirty fucking janitor guy, Walt, hasn't shown up in two weeks. Guess he got scared. She told us to remember that we've got a camp full of kids and we can't lose focus. Zagnuts asked why we don't go into town and ring up their parents. Phil said that'd scare the piss out of them and they'd sue us all for all kinds of shit. Fucking bogus. Phil laid some shit on us, though. He said Dave probably took off due to the stress, like he couldn't handle it or something. Then he tells us that Sam and Rudy had enough of the camp and went home. He said he was going to split up their checks with the rest of the staff. Which is cool, but...can he do that? Sounds bogus to the max.
But the weekend is here and we can all just take a chill pill. I just wanna pop open a few brewskies and not think for a while.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Nancy's Had Too Much


  Hey babe, I'm not doing good tonight. I know I shouldn't worry, what would my mom say? But Dave went into town this morning to talk to the Sheriff about Sam and Rudy and he never came back. Dave can handle himself. It's such a rocky drive, he probably just had car trouble and is stuck in town overnight. That's all, I'm sure. You know, all of the crazy stuff that's happened lately has really done a number on me. I think I've smoked too much grass. Relax, Nancy. Phil returned so it can't be that hard to get out of that rinky dink town. I just wish he'd hurry back.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Jimmy's Love (Wednesday, July 24th, 1985)

I love this place! Today, I fingered Sarah in the ditch behind the girl's bathroom! Oh man, she was juicy! First, it was BJ city at the bonfire, then she let me see her pussy at rehearsal on Monday(and I even took one lick!), now I'm knuckles deep inside her! Please, God, don't let this summer end!

Dave Crosses the Line

July 24th, 1985

  Wednesday. No sign of them. I can see Rudy splitting on us, but not Sam. She's too responsible. Fuck, I must be going crazy. And with what I witnessed at the bonfire, I probably am...but I'm not taking any chances. I should have gone to Dansby on Monday, but...I thought I was being too rash. Phil showed back up, didn't he? Yeah, well, I'm not wasting any more time. I'm going into town tonight to speak with the Sheriff. There's more to his story about this place than he's letting on. We've got to get the authorities out here.
  I feel so fucking ashamed for not acting on this sooner. I just wanted this camp to work out. Now...I fear something terrible is happening. DH

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Ike Comes To Jesus

July 23rd, 1985

Dear Father,
  One of mine has strayed from the flock, perhaps for good. I am deeply concerned. I have not seen sweet Samantha Pugh in two days. The other night, she was swept up in emotion. She confided in me that she was on the verge of confessing her feelings to Mr. Dave, even though it had sinful implications due to the age difference. She feared that if she didn’t convey the matter to his pure nature, then, perhaps, things would progress down a darker path. She desperately needed--well, in her words--“to get horizontal with someone...probably Rudy.” I believe she meant Rudy the lifeguard. I told her to follow her heart, because Jesus is in there. Then she ran off. That was the last time I saw her, just as the lake side festivities turned into a hedonistic gala of wickedness. Heavenly Father...mine eyes witnessed things they cannot unsee. I expected sinful actions from the counselors, but not my fellow campers! Teddy Dillard was tearing the underpants away from all of the girls and rubbing them all over his body. That nice Jewish child, Stevie Fellberg, kept wagging his tongue and licking all over every camper. It was a demonic tongue, Lord. One that belonged to The Devil, himself. I accidentally discovered Jimmy Barnes receiving fellatio from that sweet angel Sarah Stevenson. My heart is broken, Father. I even caught Hobie Quinn eating insects and dirt. I tried to stop them all from committing such atrocities, but...I was not strong enough, Lord.
  The next morning I emerged from my long night of prayer to find the entire camp in shambles. There was debris everywhere -- beer cans, flung toilet paper, candy bar wrappers, banaka spray. Many of the campers had even failed to find their beds and slept where they passed out in the wet grass. Some were naked. And there was no Sam. I immediately went to Mr. Dave to report her missing, and he was as befuddled as me. He said she had come to his cabin just as he was heading for the bonfire and couldn’t even speak; instead she started gasping -- like, hyperventilating. Then she took off for the gathering. Mr. Dave said he would’ve gone after her except his hands were full with all the demented "hell" around him. I do not know what is going on with this camp, Father. But I feel your motives in sending me here are not in peaceful protest.
                                In Jesus’s Name,

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Brenda Is Worried

July 22nd, 1985

Last night was the most fucked up night of my life. God, I hate myself. It was totally mental. I mean, like, mental to the max. Like, Ozzy mental. I don't remember much after we raided the boys cabin. Things just pop into my head and I'm totally scared. We decided to do the raid without Sam because she was late. It was bitchin', like, for sure. We grabbed every pair we could find and threw them all in the lake. Let's see how they like that! After the raid, me and Tina and Amber rushed over to the bonfire. Sam never showed up, so we just split. The weird thing is, nobody's seen Sam OR Rudy all day. I bet they snuck out of camp and decided to bail with each other for the rest of summer. Anyway, when we got to the party, Joey let us all toke on his chonger and that's when things got really fucked up. I think there was PCP in that joint because everything went ape shit after we smoked. Things are kind of coming back to me. I saw Tina and Matt sneak off, I think. That fucking asshole. I think I fucked Joey. But that wasn't the worst part. This makes me want to puke. I think I went down on Zagnuts. I'm going to throw up. What if I got AIDs from that fat pig?!

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Dave Is On It

July 21st, 1985

  A presence. Something, I don't know what. It's surrounding the camp. I know that is crazy for me to think, but I believe it. Whatever it is wasn't here at the beginning, but it's arrived. We had the bonfire last night and...everything seemed...I don't even want to say it. I watched some of the campers and staff dancing. It started innocently, then became disturbing. Some of the campers were gyrating with each other. I found some of the staff having sex again, but it was different this time. Tina was involved. I found her and Sonny and Matt. I asked them about it today and none of them had any recollection of it. They said they were drunk and blacked out. I've never met anyone that fucked in a threeway and didn't remember it. The worst part is that all of the strange shit began when Phil showed up. Just out of nowhere. He apologized and said he had a family emergency to take care of. What am I going to say? I've known him for too long. I can't tell him to fuck off. We've got nearly another month here and I need all the help I can get. I guess the first thing will be to help me find the rest of my hungover staff. I don't know where Rudy, Sam and Zagnuts are. Probably laying half-naked in the dirt.
  With everything that happened last night, I have to keep everyone under my watch. Especially, Phil. It's good to have him back, but...something's different with him. Something in the eyes. DH

Monday, July 20, 2015

Sam Wants It

July 20th, 1985

Dear Diary,
  The bonfire is tonight and I am feeling a major downer right now. Summer is half over...and I still haven't let Dave know how I feel. I think I have to do it tonight. I was supposed to go with Brenda and the girls to do the underwear raid on the boys, but I really need to do this tonight. I'll ask to help him with the festivities during the bonfire. And I can tell him when the moment is right. What am I going to say? I can't just tell him, it's got to be subtle. Maybe I should ask him what he does in his spare time? I could tell him that I like the same things. God, Sam, you sound like such a dweebo.

Rudy and the Night


Bonfire tonight. Fuckin A. I'm gonna bang Sam then get wasted. She's been teasing me enough. Nobody will be in camp, so we'll do it in the dining hall. Nick's delivering some primo bud and a sixer. Fuckin A. This bud's for me.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Charles Whitford Lewis -- Hopestown Journal Reporter -- 45

July 30th, 1980

  To whom it may concern...
This letter is my last option. It's the only way I can get the truth, in its entirety, out to anyone that may be able to use it better than I. The truth, or what I believe to be the truth. For more than a year now, I have been researching the murders at Silver Bear Lake and I have come to the conclusion that Mickey Jack Fredericks did not commit them. In fact, I believe he was set up by those who did. "Those" that I speak of are unknown to me now, but I think they belong to a cult. Not Satanic, but something else. Something dark, evil. I think Fredericks knew of the cult or whatever it is. He may have even been a part of it in some capacity. I'm just not sure. The only thing I am sure of is there is a blackness in the woods by Vandez Bridge. It is something hidden. Ancient.
  I read my words and I am taken aback. This seems crazy, I admit that. Perhaps, I am crazy. The northeast section of Silver Bear Lake: the camp, the bridge...evil is there. God save us.
         -------Charles Whitford Lewis

Jimmy's Worry (Friday, July 19th, 1985)

Holy shit! This is the greatest summer of my life! Today, I caught Tina blowing Joey! It happened  when I was finishing up my archery class. I had to piss, so I snuck off to the patch of trees behind the last target. That's where I could hear the slurping. I snuck as quietly as I could and there they were. Tina is a major babe. She was going to town on his chode, total tubular boner. Then, I thought I heard heavy breathing from my left, so I looked over. I was kind of scared that I was going to see that crazy fucker from before, but no! It was Zagnuts and he was bopping his baloney! I didn't lose mine so I bopped, too. It was weird. Best thing was Tina wasn't wearing a bra. Her titties were just hanging down cause Joey had her shirt up. I love this camp! I've seen sex and blowjobs and titties out the ass! I even got to see the tail end of the panty raid. There were sooo many titties.
The only thing I worry about is that crazy fucker showing up again and getting the camp shut down before I can pork Sarah. She seemed sick today at rehearsal, so I told her that I could take her temperature with my thermometer. It's 100% ALL BEEF!
It's Friday night and I'm going to go. I just know there's some porking going on, I can smell it!

Friday, July 17, 2015

Brenda's Come Back

July 17th, 1985

So, we're totally getting even with those guys! Amber and Tina love my idea, it's so rad! None of us are really that mad at them for doing the panty raid. We thought it was fresh. Well, everyone except Sam. Poor Sam, she's going to bore all of the boys away. Anyways, the thing we got mad about is that fat fucking geekwad, Zagnuts! He was just staring at us and I swear drool was running down his chin. Grody to the max! We're all missing some underwear and Tina says she can't find any of her bras. She'll have to go braless for the next month, which wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for all the little creepoids we have to babysit! So, to get even, we're totally doing a raid on them this weekend to get our stuff back. And to get there underwear! The plan is to nab every pair they have, but we're going to do it when none of them are in their cabin. Maybe Saturday night during the mid-summer bonfire. If we can do it quick, nobody will know we were gone! Every pair! They'll have to go commando for the rest of the summer. I guess that wouldn't be so bad.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Sarah And The Fabulous Cast

July 16th, 1985

Dear Mom,
  We've been rehearsing Amadeus: Live And Alive for a week now and I think Mr. Tay is going to have a heart attack before we perform at the End of Summer Gala. He cries a lot and acts like he is going to pass out. I think it's all because of Jimmy Barnes. He's playing Mozart, which is a lead, and all he does during rehearsals is goof around. Today was the day we were supposed to be off-book for the first few scenes and Jimmy hadn't even looked at his script since last week! I don't think he cares. It really makes me mad because I play Constanze, his wife, and he's always messing around during our scenes. He can't stop talking about disgusting things which I'm not going to tell you. But he's so gross. Ew.
  Anyway, Mr. Tay gets really worked up during rehearsals and says "I can't work like this!", then he'll run away crying. But then he'll come back three minutes later with a smile and apologize to everyone, even Jimmy! That's when Mr. Tay will usually have us put on scarves and act fabulous. Mr. Tay says fabulous is a way of life and we have to believe it before we can be it. That's always the best part of rehearsal, even Jimmy has a great time. Mr. Tay smiles the most during those times.
  I am starting to like it here. I love you.
                                     Sarah xxoo

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Dave and Crazy Charlie

July 15th, 1985

  Monday evening and no sign of Phil. I gave him the weekend and he still hasn't shown up. Am I worried? Does a bear shit in the woods? I'm not sure, but it makes me think. If I didn't let Dansby fill my head with all of that Crazy Charlie Lewis stuff, I might not be on edge. But now that I know the details about those murders back in '79 and Charlie's slip into madness, I'm not sure what to think. I've done my best to keep the story from the staff. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.
  I hope Phil didn't have some type of run-in with Crazy Charlie. Jesus, listen to me...acting like a spooked camper. Maybe Nancy's right. I probably didn't know Phil as well as I thought and he just found some townie chick to bunk up with for the rest of the summer. I just paid the guy on Friday, it makes some sense. Hell, I don't know if I blame him that much.
  No more town trips for anyone. DH

Teddy's Wake-Up Surprise


Holy shit! I got some new panties! I woke up this morning before everyone else, and there was a clean pair of undies sitting at the foot of my bunk. I thought they were Amber’s at first -- they were pink laceys just like the ones me and Jimmy grabbed in the woods before that evil douche chased us off. But I checked the tag and her name wasn’t written on it. Instead, it just had the word “Breakfast” written in a sharpee. I didn’t know what the shit that meant. Maybe some girl in the Beaver bunk has three changes of undies throughout the day. But then we were in the mess hall this morning and I heard a blood-curdling scream. Everyone looked over to find Amber flipping her tits ‘cuz she had just found a dead cockroach in her huevos rancheros! Not sure what’s happening, or if one thing’s connected to the other. Everyone knows that lame-o Zagnuts raided the Beaver bunk the other night for panties, but the rumors are that  Dellamusa was in charge of the whole thing. I think Joey probably did take those panties from me the first time, and he put those panties he took from some other girl on my bed while I was he was saying, “You can have some panties, just not Amber’s panties.” I get that. But did he write “Breakfast” on there? Does he know I'm the one who got everybody sick on the 4th? What an asshole. Nobody plays games with Teddy!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Nancy Knows The Score


  Hey babe. Things have gone from strange to way out there. And that's an understatement. Ever since Dave visited Sheriff Dansby, he's been getting weirder and weirder. Now, Phil's missing and nobody knows a fucking thing. He went into town Friday night with Sonny and he never came back. Sonny got wasted and said he last saw Phil talking with two townie girls at the bar. Sonny was brought back by some dudes the next morning and that's all he knew. Weird.
  I'm sure Phil is fine. Dave says it's not like Phil to disappear like that because he's so reliable. If you ask me, Phil got a hot date for the week and split. And I don't blame him, I could use a good balling myself. Maybe I'll lay it on thick with Dave tonight. He won't know what hit him!

Monday, July 13, 2015

Zagnuts And His Bogus Night

July 13th, 1985

Man, fuck Dellamusa! Dumb jerkoff let me take all the blame for the panty raid. The worse part was that everything was going well til I panicked when I shouldn’t have and blew the whole thing. Joey posted me near the dark oak tree close to where I could see the Beaver bunk, which was the one that the girl counselors stayed in. They were real strategic. Joey and Matt flanked around the back of the cabin so they could go in through the windows while Rudy went to the front. Rudy knocked on the cabin door to create a diversion and just as the girls opened the door -- BAM! All hell broke loose. Total chaos! I could hear the girls screaming and I swear I heard some laughter, too. They were loving it! I do gotta hand it to that asshole Joey -- it was a solid plan. But I couldn't take it anymore, I had to see. So I snuck up to the cabin real quick, so I could see and it was beautiful. Tina and Amber and Brenda -- they were all naked! Tits bouncing everywhere! Then and I saw this shape coming out of the woods -- it was Phil making his rounds again! I jumped into the cabin so he wouldn't see me and shouted “You guys gotta get outta here!” Of course, I scared the shit out of the girls and they started screaming bloody murder. Then those assholes beat their feet out the front door and -- man, FUCK Dellamusa! -- they threw all that shit they raided right in my arms! So now those jerk rags are gone and I’m standing there with two hands full of Beaver Dams in front of all these pissed off girls. It was that bitch Tina who threw the first punch with her feather pillow and Brenda followed that one up right after. Then they wrestled me to the ground and started giving me wedgies. Brenda screamed, "How does it feel to be violated, porker?" It did not feel good. They ripped off my shirt and started slapping my gut. It was so embarrassing. Then it got pretty fuzzy. I’d rather be shat on by the devil himself than have to go through that kind of punishment ever again. I think some of them were grabbing tiny rocks from outside and stuffing them in the pillow sacks they hit me with! And the worst part? Sam saw the whole thing. She didn’t participate in the beat-down -- at least not from what I saw before the room started going white -- but I noticed her in the corner. Here she was the other day, thinking I’m a real victim -- kissing my forehead, all sympathetic for me and shit in the bathroom -- and now I’m this perv who likes to hoard panties. Don’t know if there’s any recovering from that. Jesus freaks don’t like that stuff.  

Well, I came to in Dave’s office. After Nancy checked me for a concussion, Dave told me I had to do midnight patrol the rest of the summer -- IN ADDITION to cleaning the bathrooms. He said he wouldn't put this in any report since he thought I learned one hell of a lesson. Jesus Christ, I said. Campers aren’t even looking up to me as a counselor anymore. I report to Walt more than I do Dave. The funny thing in all this is that I came to find out Phil wasn’t even on watch! Dave said he hadn’t even been seen at the camp in a day -- like he skipped off for town and took the bus home, or something. I don’t know who that dude I saw come out of the woods was, but all I know is he got me on night watch the rest of the summer, and I owe him a knuckle enima.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Joey And The Boys Pt 2

July 12th, 1985

Tonight is the night! Okay, so the last time was a major failure. I still don't know what the fuck Phil was doing patrolling camp in the middle of the night, way bogus. But it's Friday and I know for a fact he's in town with Sonny. It's their only free night for the summer. I think Dave must've had him out that night because of the crazy motherfucker from last week. He's totally paranoid for no reason. That mother isn't coming back. You know, if at first you don't succeed, keep on prying those panties off! I even have Zagnuts in on this plan. He's lookout while me, Matt and Rudy bust in and snatch those snatch covers. I told him he could have a pair, the dweebo. No pain! Here we go!

Friday, July 10, 2015

Joey And The Boys

July 10th, 1985

It's time for a panty-raid!!!

The Hopestown Journal - Friday, September 28th 1985

Friday, September 28th, 1979

by Charles Lewis

  The primary suspect in last summer's quadruple homicide at Silver Bear Lake was killed today after a shootout with police officers. Authorities surrounded the lake house of the suspect, Michael "Mickey Jack" Fredericks and pursued him on foot after he escaped through a basement window. Sheriff Dansby told reporters that the suspect opened fire on the officers as he steered his boat onto the lake. Officers fired back and within seconds the boat caught fire and burst into flames near the Vandez Bridge.
Fredericks, 43, was a self-proclaimed novelist that had lived in the lake house for a number of years. Sheriff Dansby issued a statement that there was a substantial connection between the victims and Fredericks, but would not go into details at that time. Vandez Bridge is located only six hundred yards from the murder site and Camp Silver Bear, which is across the lake.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Sam Can't Help It

July 9th, 1985

Dear Diary,
  This week has started off a little crazy. I think everyone has finally gotten over the stomach flu from the 4th, but it really put us all on edge. Especially with Zagnuts. The campers have totally been on his case since then, I think they think he had something to do with the sickness. Some of them have been making fun of him every chance they get. And it's getting physical, too! I found Zagnuts in the girl's bathroom this morning, duct-taped to one of the stalls. He said a group of campers got him last night and did it, but he didn't know who because it was so dark. I think he knows who, but doesn't want to say because he thinks that'll earn their respect. Guys are so weird! I made a mistake, though. Once again, the nice girl that I am got me into some bad situation. I was helping him out of the tape and I felt sorry for him because he looked so I kissed the top of his head. Then he tried to squeeze my boobs! Well, more than try, HE DID! God, that made me so mad. I screamed and walked away really fast.
  Then I got to hang out with Dave for a while before dinner. He seemed bothered by something. I told him he could tell me anything, but he just brushed me off and said that it was something the Sheriff had told him in town. He told me not to worry, but he wants me to help make sure that none of the campers or the staff wander into the woods alone. I bet it has something to do with that crazy guy Amber was talking about. Well, it was nice being with Dave. I feel guilty thinking this, but...I hoped he was going to tell me that he was having troubles with Nancy. I know it's so wrong, he's so much older than me. But not that much older.

Hobie "Roach" Quinn - 13 (July 9th, 1985)

Hey Bro,
These Jesus freaks are driving me nuts. You should count yourself lucky Ma didn’t have enough to send both of us to the outskirts of nowhere to some rathole. Next time she tells you that you’re going to have an “enriching summer”…run. Seriously. These guys are fruitcakes. They’ve never heard of Iron Maiden, Judas Priest or Van Halen. And it seems everyone here knows each other. It’s like a damn cult. Only person I know is this Sarah girl. I remember her from last year when I got my nickname. If Ma wasn’t so broke, I’d find a way out. Just the other day, I was at the canoe launch. Basically we just floated down a creek. No paddles, no current, no nothing. And the assholes call this summercamp.
Man..their bug juice. They made a barrel of this crap. It’s red and I’m sure it’s Hawaiian Punch but they added something extra. Like pineapple chunks or something. I think that's what got me and everybody really sick on the 4th. I had to climb out of my bunk cause I had the runs. I didn’t make it. Shit poured out of me like gravy. I hid behind a tree stump. Just letting loose. Oh what a relief. Must’ve been loud, since it woke up another kid, looking out the screen door. I told him to mind his own business.
It’s not all bad. There’s this homo looking guy. Goes by Dale or Dave or something. This dude doesn’t tan, he reddens. Then there's this fatwad named Zagnuts. He cleans the latrines and when I see him, I tell this guy some dirty jokes. Like the one about Pissball Pete:
Over the hill came Pissball Pete,
with 40 pounds of swingin meat,
then over the hill came Ms. Suzie Brown,
said no man can lay her down,
so he laid her down in the tall green grass,
and shoved his cock right up her ass,
then Ms. Suzie Brown blew a big bad fart,
blew his balls ten feet apart,
now over the hill comes Pissball pete,
with 40 pounds of shredded meat.
It slays him. Like the guy never heard of jokes before. His laughing is this huh-huh-huh from his big gut. Well, I hope you’re having a good time at little league. I got to split now, it’s lights out…at 8 at night. Can you believe this?
Later gator,

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Theodore "Teddy" Dillard - 13


I’ll admit I’m a little freaked here. Still getting over the sight of that crazy dickwad chasing off Amber and Joey the other day in the woods. His skin looked all gross like DAWN OF THE DEAD gross. Jimmy took it in as one big laugh -- I guess because he looks up to me because I spiked the eggs and got everyone sick and I know the best places for tit action. Anyway, I was up late last night...a long time after everyone else in my cabin fell asleep. I was just thinking about that creepy fucker being out there somewhere in the woods. My mind started playing tricks on me. Thought I heard someone out there walking around and grunting. I was sure it was just one of the counselors sneaking off for a little midnight beaver snack down by the lake, but then...well, this morning I woke up and found Amber’s panties missing. I had stuffed them away so no one could find them -- in the hole under the headpost in my bunk that pulls out. Not even Jimmy knows about it because I wanted them all to myself the rest of the summer. It was probably Joey -- yeah, I’m pretty sure. We ran pretty fast when the crazy fucker left, so they probably saw us. I’m sure he knew we had Amber’s panties, and he knows where all the good hiding spots are because he’s the one that told us where to hide stuff! He snuck in here and got them during dinner, or after I fell asleep. I know I shouldn’t ask him, just in case he didn’t see us -- but I’m dying to know who took them… At least one of the counselors knows there’s some crazy evil fucker running around near the camp. I just know it’ll stop with Joey because he don’t want Mr. Dave to know he was out there. I’ve gotta keep my eyes open.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Dave's Problem

July 7th, 1985

Past few days have been hard. First it was the camp-wide sickness on the 4th, then rescheduling the dance, now this crazy guy in the woods. Joey and Amber told me some crazy guy caught them in the woods yesterday and scared the hell out of them with some story about what happened here back in '79. A murderer, ghosts roaming around, I don't know what to make of it. I don't like the thought of somebody like this crazo roaming the woods. We have to think about the safety of our campers and our staff. I think I'm going to see Sheriff Dansby tomorrow and see what he knows about the guy. I just hope these kids can keep it together for a few hours while I'm gone. DH

Monday, July 6, 2015

Jimmy's Best Day (Saturday, July 6th, '85)

Whoa! Talk about tubular! This may be the most awesomest day of camp! It all started this morning. Like usual, me and Teddy snuck over to the Beaver cabin where the girl counselors stay. It wasn't cold like normal, so the windows weren't fogged and, boy, could we see everything. Tits everywhere! One of the girls saw a rat or something and then they all started jumping on their beds and screaming. Tits were bouncing all over the place!
Next, we skipped out on breakfast and went to the lake to see if we could find the spot where that family got murdered. We figured everyone would think we were still getting over the runs. And they definitely wouldn't think it was us who spiked the eggs! I still can't believe we got away with that. Teddy is a genius! So, we couldn't find the exact area, but Teddy was sure we were in the right place. Then we found it. Huge footprints. I didn't want to, but Teddy started following them. After a few yards, we found some kind of dead animal. It was all chewed up, gross and nasty. We just got away from there. Then, on our way back, we heard some moaning and groaning, so we decided to check it out and we caught Joey and Amber porking against a tree! We watched for a second and were about to jump out at them when this crazy looking guy came out of nowhere and scared them. He started yelling something and shaking his hands at them. Both of them picked up their clothes and ran. We waited for the crazy guy to walk off, then we left. But not before Teddy saw Amber's panties in the dirt and took them. We've been smelling them all day.
Finally, after dinner, me and Teddy snuck over to the counselors rec cabin and overhead Rudy and Joey planning a panty raid on the girl counselors soon. I am not missing that! This is the best summer of my life!

Matt's Bright Side


Man, the 4th was RIGHTEOUS torture. Spent the whole afternoon and most of the night with everyone else going in and out of the bathrooms. Everybody was shitting and puking their brains out! Everyone in the camp was blaming the cabin I’m stayin in cause they had breakfast KP and they think they did something to the food. I say if that was true, it’d be the most bogus prank ever cause it seems the Bear cabin got it the worst. A lot of the kids had to sleep sitting up cause of fear they were gonna choke on their own vomit. Jesus Christ. Dave did a complete check and investigation of the kitchen and I’m sure the cook Sonny felt real bad, but then Dave told me he couldn’t figure out what caused it cause he said Sonny kept the cleanest kitchen he had ever seen. My guess: Zagnuts didn’t take a shower after cleaning out the bathrooms and he got turd crumbs all over the Independance Muffins everybody was eating. I remember him setting them out during morning KP. He’s an asshole, but I’m not gonna call him out. Truth is, I feel bad for the guy. He’s a real geek at this place. No one really likes him. Last thing he needs is Dave making him eat all his meals in quarantine behind some big plastic bubble in the Mess Hall. From now on, I’ll just be on his ass and make sure he showers after every time he cleans the shitters.

Even though Saturday was hell, the bright side was Dave ordered me to go pick up some more toilet paper and Lysol from town and guess who got to go with me? Goddamn, Brenda was a fuck machine. Our bodies were still weak from all the puking, but I guess being away from camp and the fact that it was a surprise gave us enough stamina to put us into pork-ship hyperdrive. We couldn’t even wait to get into town. On the way, Brenda shoved her way down my jeans and started giving me a tug job, and I couldn’t take it anymore! I parked under a bridge and we jumped in the back. Then we got into Hopestown and I remembered my Stepdad was out of town at a business conference ‘til Thursday! I porked her on the same bed where the fucker cheated on my mom. After that, I guess all the porkin upset my stomach and I got a little aftershock, so I ralphed all over his pillow. Brenda laughed. It was great!

Anyway, I’m back at camp now and things seem to be getting back to normal. The campers are doing much better, and Dave re-scheduled the Independence Dance and fireworks for next Saturday. Only thing that sucks a chub is that now he’s no longer trusting the kids, so he made all counselors split up Mess Hall duties for the rest of the summer -- including me, cause they need the help! And here’s the real kicker. Dave’s still pissed off about Zagnuts showing his ass in town last week, so the fat turd has to pull every KP shift. I’ll be standing by him with a bar of soap til mid-August.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Nancy Likes To Sleep In


Hey babe, miss me? I never thought I'd have a worse fourth than last year's at Mossytree, but I was wrong. Oh, Nancy, you're still so young. Whatever was in that breakfast yesterday wrecked nearly the entire camp! I think me and Dave might have been the only ones to not get sick and that's only because we fooled around and slept in. We missed the breakfast, so it had to be that. We've never had any problems with Sonny's cooking before, but he must have screwed around with the wrong recipe. I had never heard of Independence Omelettes, so I'm guessing it was something new he was trying. All classes were canceled today. Everyone was too sick to do anything! They've got the weekend to get better, so maybe Dave will let a couple of the counselors go into town and get some supplies. After yesterday, the camp is low on toilet paper and aspirin and other things. Grass, too. I'm just sad for Zagnuts. He's on bathroom duty for the rest of summer and it's World War Three in there right now!

The Fourth of July


“Mistakes are proof that you are trying” -- Mr. Dave

6:30 -- Flag raising/rise n’ shine -- Dellamusa/Tina 
(Special note: take this seriously today, guys. It’s the 4th for God’s sakes Show some respect. Don’t get any more grass stains on Ole Glory)

7:15 -- Breakfast. (KP -- Bear cabin)

8:30 -- Morning activity

Special events (pick one): Capture the flag; Mess Hall decorations for tonight’s 
Independance dance; Graham the Snake Man at outdoor classroom; hike with Mr. Dave up to Whitewater gap (3 mile loop -- bring WATER!)

12:00 -- Lunch. (KP -- Peanut cabin -- Bear cabin assist the tykes)

1:00 -- All-camp Scavenger Hunt. By “All”, I mean ALL!!! All counselors must attend; All campers must be present. This is teamwork, guys. Leave no man or woman behind! Anyone failing to attend the scavenger hunt will report for dinner KP and will also chaperone the dance afterward.

3:00 -- Free time. All of Tyrone’s cast members report to arts n’ crafts cabin for rehearsal.
(Special note: Lifeguards Peachman and Pugh will be setting up for dance and will not be available for duty. ALL SWIMMING IS CANCELLED FOR THE AFTERNOON) 

5:00 -- Dinner. (KP -- Wolf cabin)

6:00 -- Independance dance!!! (chaperones: Mr. Dave, Miss Nancy, Matt Harrison, Zagnuts)

9:00 -- Campfire and fireworks on quad. (Chaperones continue duty, EXCEPT for Zagnuts who will clean Mess Hall)

10:30 -- Campers return to cabins. 

11:30 -- Lights out.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Ike's Protest

June 2nd, 1985

Dear God,

  Well -- once again! -- I asked you for strength and guidance, and you came through in droves! This bible study I started up has been going so strong. Currently, I have about 15 regular members staying after dinner in the Mess Hall every night to read scripture and pray with me. It’s become so well known through the camp that, the last three mornings, Mr. Dave has listed it as an official Camp Silver Bear event on the Activities Kiosk! We even have a name for ourselves: “The Holy Rollers”! And boy is it diverse. I have at least two campers from every age group. Funny, I notice the numbers trickle off the older they get. See God, I have six Peanuts (that’s ages 6-8), but only two Bears (those are the 13-15 year-olds). It definitely seems as if your Word is more likely to fall on deaf ears the older we get, and my goal is to reach out to these older campers who, in all their secular temptations, need you now more than ever. Please give me strength as they are older and bigger than me, and some of the girls in their cut-off shorts seem as though they may tempt me right off the deep end! 
  And also give me strength, Lord, as I’m afraid an unholy agenda has made itself present in the righteous circle of my bible study. Last night, our eyes were closed in prayer when we all whiffed Satan’s foul stench around us. We looked up to see one of the counselors, Zagnuts Hedgrew, squat down next to us. He had come straight from cleaning all the bathrooms in the camp -- due to some punishment Mr. Dave had given him for acting out in town the other night -- and decided to intrude upon us for what he claimed was “a need to be saved”. I’m not buying it one bit. I know all he really wants is to get closer to Samantha Pugh, the lone counselor in my group. Can you believe he actually threatened to get me on kitchen duty the rest of the summer if I didn’t tell him what she likes to pray for?! Oh well. I suppose I should look at it as an opportunity, like Brother Rick is always telling me. He definitely needs to be saved, even if he doesn’t believe it himself. And plus I’m pretty sure he’ll pound me if I tell him the truth -- that Sam’s real interest seems to be Mr. Dave.
  Anyway, I’ve got to go now. I’ve cooked up a little after hours assignment for The Holy Rollers. It seems the bus driver Matt rented a couple videos from a friend of his while he was in town and he’s showing them to impressionable kids in the mess hall tonight. I heard one of them is some animated movie called “Heavy Metal” and there’s graphic sex. How dare use the holy medium of cartoons to corrupt kids minds like that?! Anyway, we’re going to go do a peaceful protest by sitting in the back and having a bible study while the movie’s going on. Let the people choose what’s better for their souls: Satan's finger, or praying to the Almighty Creator. Give me strength, Lord Jesus.
  In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Stevie Fellberg - 13

July 2nd, 1985

  Dave's a dick. Seriously. From the way he wears those jeans that show off his weiner down to the way he just plain acts--he's a dick. Rudy's a dick, too. All he does is stare at chicks all day. Today, some kids tossed me off the dock and I can't swim. What does Rudy do? He's too busy rubbing up against some big-boobed girl while I was swallowing lake water! It DID end up kinda cool, cause Sam jumped in and grabbed me. As we were splashing around, I totally grabbed her boobies. Not sure if she noticed, but she kept saying it better not be a joke and she wasn't going to give me CPR. Anyways, by the time I got out, I gave Rudy an "eat shit" look. He saw it and wasn't too pleased but fuck him. Dick.
  Now, Dave?? He hears about it and orders me to take swimming lessons. He doesn't reprimand that dick Rudy for rubbing his boner against that girl instead of "life guarding", he orders ME to take lessons. In order to "save myself" in the future and to be "more of a jr. man". I'll give him "JR." man-- I'm ALL man. Had my bar mitzvah earlier this year to prove it. Dicks.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

"Mr. Tay" Tyrone Theodore Banks III -Camp Silver Bear Arts Instructor - 22

1 July 1985

  Ooh Wee! Sweet Georgia Brown, do I have my work cut out for me! I can see this show so clearly in my mind, but Lord knows the other counselors don’t give two shits about Amadeus: Live and Alive, so it’s going to be up to me and those kids to pull this whole production together. It’s a good thing I’ve got all the songs ready to go, but I still have to decide if I’m going to play Salieri or the father. The kids last year loved me as Dorothy from the Wiz, but I wanna break some barriers this summer. So no white face, Tay Tay! Lord, little Jimmy Barnes was a handful today at auditions. That kid won't stop messing around with those little girls to save his life. But he may just be my perfect Mozart. Maybe I can get Dave to come in and straighten him out, ‘cause ain’t nobody straighter than Dave. And I think he has a newfound appreciation for me since I was able to drive the bus back to camp on Saturday night. I didn't drink and Dave knows he can count on my pretty ass to be there when he needs. Ooh Wee! I ain't blind, sugar! 
  And don't even get me started on the costumes! There’s just so much still to do! Calgon, take me away!