Teddy's Wake-Up Surprise

7/15/85

Holy shit! I got some new panties! I woke up this morning before everyone else, and there was a clean pair of undies sitting at the foot of my bunk. I thought they were Amber’s at first -- they were pink laceys just like the ones me and Jimmy grabbed in the woods before that evil douche chased us off. But I checked the tag and her name wasn’t written on it. Instead, it just had the word “Breakfast” written in a sharpee. I didn’t know what the shit that meant. Maybe some girl in the Beaver bunk has three changes of undies throughout the day. But then we were in the mess hall this morning and I heard a blood-curdling scream. Everyone looked over to find Amber flipping her tits ‘cuz she had just found a dead cockroach in her huevos rancheros! Not sure what’s happening, or if one thing’s connected to the other. Everyone knows that lame-o Zagnuts raided the Beaver bunk the other night for panties, but the rumors are that  Dellamusa was in charge of the whole thing. I think Joey probably did take those panties from me the first time, and he put those panties he took from some other girl on my bed while I was asleep...like he was saying, “You can have some panties, just not Amber’s panties.” I get that. But did he write “Breakfast” on there? Does he know I'm the one who got everybody sick on the 4th? What an asshole. Nobody plays games with Teddy!