Zagnuts Hatches a Plan

June 23rd, 1985

Only two weeks in and I’ve stagnated. Most of the fun and promise of the summer has just seemed to, I don’t know….dry up. The last real fun I had was at the campfire when I scared all the girls with that blood on my face. I definitely developed a reputation after that as a master prankster, but I haven’t really followed up on it since then and things just seem to get deader out here by the minute. I guess it’s the kids. All the fun seemed to go right into the toilet as soon as that first bus got out here from the city. Plus the little shits broke into my candy stash and spanked all over my ONLY “Penthouse”. The pages are all sticky now and it’s useless goddammit! I’m gonna have to give these turds some instruction in how you don’t spank all over future spank sessions. Which brings me to something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. This is my last year at camp. And since I don’t have the grades to go to some university, my best bet is community college and living with my parents next summer. With those odds, the next few weeks will likely be my best chance to get ass in…well, maybe forever… This really scares me because I want a kid someday. And to my way of thinking, this summer may be my last best chance. Don’t ask me about how I’m going to provide for the tyke, or even who the girl is that’s gonna give him to me (probably a Jesus freak ‘cause they stay pregnant). Anyway, all I know is that it may be on the immediate agenda for me to make a baby Zagnuts. If not now, when? Right? I haven’t made up my mind just yet about this, but Joey said I could probably buy some condoms from Just Nick Nick. Then, I can punch some holes in them. I’m sure once the girl knows what’s what and how sweet my intentions, she’ll come around.